Snacks in Recovery

You know those food blogs that go into detail about how THIS was the recipe that made their hubby fall in love with them on that magical night 9 short years ago? And THIS was the breakfast-in-bed that their 3 month old kid whipped up for them on Mother's Day without any assistance? And THIS was the recipe that the pet dog invented from store cupboard essentials whilst the family were trapped inside by a snow storm? That's EXACTLY what this blog is going to be like.

Joking.

However, it will be about food. In this blog, I'm going to go into a bit of detail about 3 of the snacks I ate in recovery, and how I got them to where they are now (very recovered from Anorexia). I chose to write about 3 here, for the simple reason that I find writing about food a little bit tiresome. I can assure you that I had more than 3 snacks in my rotation during my recovery. If it's helpful blog, I can write another post with more without issue. Your feedback is what guides my writing!

Anyway, aside from a few suggestions, I hope you find it comforting to see that unrestricted eating is for life, and is not just a cool permission you get in recovery.

Without further digression...

Okay, wait, an essential little side note

Irrespective of being 'in recovery' or not, every single body has very different needs and every single tongue has a different preference of taste. The snacks outlined below can and should be adapted, enhanced, embellished and tailored to your own recovery benefit. There are 'wrong' foods to eat in recovery (other than those which are chosen with the intention of meeting ED criteria). Likewise, the foods I mention below are not 'right' or mandatory recovery options. Don't leave this blog post in a thought spiral, thinking 'I'm doing this ALL WRONG!' if you are eating differently to some of my suggestions and it isn't ED influenced.

Ok, I promise I'll start now...

For those of you who followed my journey from the start, you'll probably be able to guess what the first thing I'm going to mention is. It's a snack item I had lots in recovery, and continue to now. For this, and for the following snacks, I'll cover 3 areas.

1. How to make it unrestricted

2. Questions to pose yourself if you think you could push further

3. Top tips

Here goes:

First up we have:

1) Yoghurt and granola

Step 1: How to make your Yogurt and granola 'recovery wise'

• Portion plenty: I I think the word 'mound' and 'heap' are useful in this context. Make sure you are having more than more than enough. It's also essential to mention that just because you finish your bowl, it does not mean that your snack has to be 'over'. You have unconditional permission to take more.

• Avoid weighing: Let go of the micromanagement. There is no ‘too much’.

• Eat what you want: Construct your bowl with the food choices that you actually like. If it seems a bit blurry as to whether your choices are coming from the true you, it might be helpful to ask yourself if you see that food as part of your recovered self's intake.

• Avoid diet items: You are recovering from a restrictive eating disorder. You will not fully mentally recover if you are consciously opting for items based on their lowered nutrition.

Step 2: Questions to check in with:

Does what I'm currently doing align with my 3 recovery commitments?

i.e. to unrestricted eating (whatever/whenever/howmuchever), to reaching an unsuppressed body weight, to losing rules and rituals

Forgetting the food entirely, am I attempting to disrupt any rules and rituals involved?

e.g. cutlery, crockery, preparation method, time of eating, location of eating etc.

Am I flexible with the yoghurt that I use?

e.g. Am I rotating brands/flavour of my yoghurt?

Am I flexible with the granola I use?

e.g. Am I rotating brands/flavour of my granola?

What other additions could I add that will enhance my enjoyment?

e.g. honey, nuts, seeds, nut butters, banana, fresh fruits, frozen fruits

If somebody else portioned this snack for me, would they do it the same as I do?

i.e. am I under portioning myself in a way that my loved one's wouldn't.

Would I serve this to somebody else in recovery

i.e. am I giving the same respect to myself that I would give to others in my position, or am I considering myself a unicorn who is excused from the concepts I know to be true?

Step 3: Top tips and gradual increase approaches

"Help! I can't find a yoghurt with isn't low fat!"

Try the European sections of the supermarket. The polish section in my local supermarkets do amazing whole yoghurt

"Help! Which granola should I buy? The choices are overwhelming"

When a choice feels complicated, it is most likely that the ED is involved in the decision. Try your very best to follow through with that first initial thought. That'll be in innocent one. You may wish to consider:

-> Which granola did you like when you were younger?

-> Which granola do your (non-disordered) friends / family enjoy?

-> If this fails, ask for somebody else to buy it for you as you build up confidence.

If you do enter the supermarket, step back from the products and grab the one that jumps out to the true you first. Put it in your trolly and swiftly move away. Do not return there and debate. The secondary thoughts that attempt to slide tackle your innocent action are the disordered ones that you don’t have to listen to.

If you pick up an item, see the nutritional content & put it back due to fear, just remember that your brain is watching that.

"Help! I am really struggling to portion my granola without weighing"

If you are weighing food items in your recovery, my guess is that you are doing it for one of two reasons. Number one: You want a quantifiable amount so that you know how much you have eaten. Number two: You are worried about having 'too much'.

After reminding yourself that there is no 'too much' in recovery, and reminding yourself of your 3 recovery commitments (to unrestricted eating, to reaching an unsuppressed body weight, to losing rules and rituals) try your very best to pour yourself a portion that:

1) You would be happy serving somebody else in recovery

2) You might make for a loved one, or family member

3) You would like to be able to eat after recovery.

"Help! I'm used to only using a granola sprinkle, how do I upgrade?"

If you have been consistently showing your brain that a sprinkle of granola is normal, it's very likely that when you boldly make the move to increase this to a 'mound', your brain will be alerted to something new/different. Breathe, and then, if it helps, use some affirmations that are relevant to this situation:

• I can tolerate discomfort.

• Change = change. Old ways are not going to open new doors.

• I am not trying to replicate yesterday.

• Different is not wrong

• I am not trying to get through this meal eating as little as possible.

• Less is not better.

• 
  

Next, although it seems generic, use your mindfulness techniques to calm you down.

• Become aware of the emotion (e.g. fear)

• Observe the emotion in a non judgemental way.

• Do not act on the emotion

• Watch it pass. Distraction will help with this.

The most essential next step after calming yourself down, though, is forcing the follow through. This is what will reprogram your brain and allow establishment of a new 'normal'.

Something that helped me to get out of this 'sprinkle' rut was changing around the order that I did things. For me, this meant getting the granola in the bowl first.

"Help! I think I need a stepping stone to get there!"

One of the main things that I wish I could shout at my past self is: "Just because you can't do something 100%, it does not mean you should do it 0%".

What I mean by this is just because you feel like you can't free pour yourself a heaping bowl of granola on your favourite creamy yoghurt right now, it does not mean that you should do nothing at all. You may just need to climb a few rungs of the ladder with a little assistance. I promise, there is absolutely no shame in this.

Some stepping stones for me looked like:

-> Crumbling a 2 slab granola bar on my yoghurt. This meant that I was adding something, but this something known. No - this wasn't complete unrestricted eating, but it was a fear- exposure step in the right direction.

-> Having my mum pre-portion out my granola into Tupperware so I could just tip it on when I was snacking alone. This was a step in the right direction because it was a good amount which I had no option to negotiate with.

-> Using a suitable Tupperware/mug as a vague 'scoop' for my granola. This was a step in the right direction because the measurement was not exact or precise.

2) Cereal/Porridge/Museli/Bircher Museli

Step 1: How to make your bowl 'recovery wise'

• Portion plenty: Once again, you must use an abundance mindset, rather than a limiting one. Remind yourself that there is no limit to the 'amount' in the bowl, with reassurance that your 3 commitments to recovery leave you with no other option. Your base portion should be substantial.

• Avoid weighing/measuring: The portion sizes of cereal/oats are not appropriate for you. They weren't when you didn't have an ED. They are not now. Also remember the key concept of your brain learns by watching your actions. If you don't want to be measuring your milk (or whatever else) in the future, you can't be showing your brain that it is an appropriate thing to be doing now.

• Eat what you want: Are you choosing the cereal that you are day dreaming about, or a cereal that just ticks an 'I'm eating cereal' box? Are there varieties on the shelf that you have been curious about trying?

• Check in with your milk choice: Milk choice/preference is sometimes a really complicated one to get to the bottom of. I've often found there are a combination of valid sounding excuses which lead to a disordered option unconsciously being chosen. If you are really honest with yourself, if all milks had the same calories, would you really be having the option you are right now? Is it meaning that you have 'different' items to your friends and family who have uncomplicated relationships with food? Also remember that restricting a food group can lead to temporary intolerances. These are reversible with gradual reintroductions. The important thing to remember here is that recovery is about complete destruction of the ED network. Even if you may well be able to get hold of your 'special' milk when you are out of the house, it is more about the belief system that the choice maintains. It's so much bigger than the milk itself. It will have a ripple effect.

Step 2: Questions to check in with:

Does what I'm currently doing align with my 3 recovery commitments?

ie. to unrestricted eating (whatever/whenever/howmuchever), to reaching an unsuppressed body weight, to losing rules and rituals?

Forgetting the food entirely, am I attempting to disrupt rules and rituals?

e.g. cutlery, crockery, preparation method, time of eating etc

Am I flexible cereals that I use?

e.g. Am I rotating brands/types?

Am I choosing. milk that is furthering my mental progress in recovery?

ie. Am I choosing a milk based on calories?

Am I exceeding the teeny tiny suggested portion sizes?

ie. Am I actually showing myself that I am committed to unrestricted eating here?

What other additions could I add that will enhance my enjoyment?

e.g. honey, nuts, seeds, nut butters, banana, fresh fruits, frozen fruits

If somebody else portioned this snack for me, would they do it the same as I do?

ie. am I under portioning myself in a way that my loved one's wouldn't?

Would I serve this to somebody else in recovery?

ie. am I giving the same respect to myself that I would give to others in my position, or am I considering myself a unicorn who is excused from the concepts I know to be true?

Would I serve this to my younger self?

ie. is my distorted portion size perception only relevant to my current self?

Am I assessing my hunger levels after?

ie. I am genuinely fully satiating myself here?

Step 3: Top tips and gradual increase approaches

"Help! I am really struggling to portion my cereal/porridge"

The exact same concept applies to the Y&G bowl above. You must fully commit. Remind yourself, there is no too much.

It may help you if you pretend that you are making a portion for your [insert healthy friend or family member here]. Do you really not know how much you'd serve them, or are you holding yourself to different levels of permission than to them?

As with the granola, you may wish to use a stepping stone before you get to 'free pouring'. This might look like using large mugs which you are using as a guideline, and baseline minimum.

Even if it scares you, another option is that you could also ask somebody who you know to have a good relationship with food to portion the item for you, as they would portion it for themselves.

"Help! I'm in a rut with a safe cereal that I can't seem to get out of"

If your ED has rules, you may wish to counteract them with recovery rules. My suggestion is to set yourself a non-negotiable rule that is going to leave the disordered path impossible to follow. So, lets say, your ED has a stupid rule that you should have Weetbix on a weekday as part of your morning snack. You may wish to set yourself a rule along the lines of: "I can't have weetabix more than 3 days on the trot for my morning snack." Commitment to this rule gives you no option to continue with the pafternoon.

Remember, when you are fully recovered, you can do whatever the fuck you want. If that means you eat weetabix every single day, that's fine. By then, you'll know for sure it will be chosen out of choice, rather than obligation or disordered habit.

If you need a stepping stone here, you could create a cereal mix. For example, early in my recovery I was very comfortable with cornflakes, but less so with muesli. I waited and waited and waited to feel 'ready' to have a whole bowl of muesli, and the day never arrived. The fear, in this case, was just too much and I ended up not getting anywhere at all. When I finally had awareness of this, I decided to take a stepping stone approach. Despite feeling a little bit of shame that I couldn't 'just do it' at the time, I am so thankful to my past self for trying to progress in some way, even if it wasn't perfect.

Thus, I began by having a good portion of cornflakes, and sprinkled some muesli on top. 2 days later, I had half a bowl of cornflakes, followed by half a bowl of muesli. Gradually, the ratio of cornflake : museli decreased. And lo and behold, here I am, happy as can be to have bowl after bowl of muesli, if if so want.

Some sort of pre-agreed timeline is useful here, so you don't get stuck bulking out your favourite cereal with a safer one for too long.

"Help! I avoid it because it doesn't satisfy me and I just want more"

You are committed to unrestricted eating, and therefore, you have unconditional permission to have more. If you have been restricting the item, your brain most likely has a deficit to fill. It will demand more and more until it knows, with confidence, that it's availability isn't going anywhere.

To increase satiation levels, add more base and add a substantial fat source. This could be anything from nuts, to seeds, to the type of milk. Gentle nutrition may look like adding some extra fibre or protein source, but my recommendation is to be very, very cautious with this type of focus in recovery. It so quickly gets jumped on by the ED. Save this for far, far down the recovered line.

3) Bagels/Toasts/Sandwiches

Step 1: How to make your plate 'recovery wise'

• Portion plenty: You guessed it. From the get go, your 'base' portion should be enough. I set myself baseline minimums here. If I was only having 2 slices of toast, I would also pair something substantial with it, as I knew this didn't satiate me.

• Avoid weighing/measuring: If you don't want to be weighing your toppings after recovery, you can't be showing your brain that it is an appropriate behaviour to be doing today.

• Eat what you want: Those bagel thins, powered peanut butter concoctions, and low-calorie bread slices aren't really what you want, are they? Be honest, and give yourself a little bit of respect. In recovery, you are not trying to eat as little as possible. You are also not trying to trick yourself, or anyone else, that you are eating by putting on a performance. It is still restriction if you want a sesame bagel but are opting for a plain one. Restriction is not just: not eating.

• Exceed preconceived portion sizes: The amounts that you have in your head are arbitrary. You are healing from deprivation and have a deficit to fill. Try your absolute best to exceed what you think you are capable of doing. You can do so much whilst scared, and that your brain isn't on board with.

Step 2: Questions to check in with:

Does what I'm currently doing align with my 3 recovery commitments?

ie. to unrestricted eating (whatever/whenever/howmuchever), to reaching an unsuppressed body weight, to losing rules and rituals?

Forgetting the food entirely, am I attempting to disrupt rules and rituals?

e.g. cutlery, crockery, preparation method, time of eating.

Am I flexible with breads/brands/thicknesses/flavours?

e.g. If your 'usual' bready item was out of stock, would it spike anxiety because it ticks all of the ED boxes in a way that other breads on the shelf don't?

Have I tried fresh bakery bread/bagels/rolls?

ie. do I get scared if the item I'm having isn't quantifiable?

If somebody else portioned this snack for me, would they do it the same as I do?

ie. am I using all the butter I would like?

Would I serve this to somebody else in recovery?

ie. would I feel comfortable serving else somebody this toast with a scraping of peanut butter on - or am I just considering it ok for me?

Would I serve this to my younger self?

ie. would my younger self look at your portion and think erm ???

Am I assessing my hunger levels after?

ie. I am genuinely fully satiating myself here?

Step 3: Top tips and gradual increase approaches

"Help! How do I increase my portion?

With items like bread, I personally wouldn't recommend adding 1/2 quantities more (for example, half a slice of bread). For me, this kept the eating disorder in too much control. Even though it may seem like an obvious thing to say, you just have to go for it. Commit to getting as close to unrestricted eating as you can. That might look different now to how it might next week, but you can do better once you know better, and once your contemplation broadens. This will be facilitated by increased energy within you.

"Help! I'm in a rut with a safe bread that I can't get out of"

You are happy to eat the bread you eat now because you have shown your brain that it is safe. This has been done through repeated occurrences of eating it. Your job in recovery is to provide your brain evidence that every food is safe. This will initially feel extremely uncomfortable, but will get easier with time and persistence.

The concept of 'oppposite actions' will be absolutely essential as you begin to commit to recovery. Thoughts are just thoughts. You do not have to act on them.

So, let’s say that your safe bread is a pre-sliced wholemeal branded supermarket loaf. You usually top it with a certain jam you choose solely due to it’s nutritional ‘qualities’.

Opposite actions involves having:

New bread (perhaps white, bakery, self-sliced),

More slices,

More butter,

More jam, or perhaps trying a different spread entirely,

More side dishes, or assessment of hunger once finished.

Can you use stepping stones to get there? Of course. The whole mountain doesn't need to be deconstructed in one day. However, these need to be done with assurance of regularly stepping it up. This is where recovery check-ins come in so essential.

"Help! I avoid it because it doesn't satisfy me and I just want more"

Easier said than done, but you know what I am going to say. Eat more. Not doing so is restriction. There is no amount that you could eat that would be 'too much'.

As with the other items I've mentioned today, to increase satiation levels, add more base, add more topping, and add sides. I promise, there is no too much.

Anywho, that's all for now. I hope this helped!

Do let me know if you have any Q's.

If you’re from the U.K, I hope you’re staying safe in the wind 🌪