“But I don’t look like I’m in energy deficit…”

If I had a penny for each time I have heard: “I simply cannot be in an energy deficit because I do not look like somebody with an energy deficit”, let me tell you - I would have many, many pennies.

This misconception - that energy debt has a look - is one of the most dangerous barriers towards a full recovery. In this blog post, I am going to cover:

1.    What energy deficit actually means

2.    The difference between weight gain and full nutritional rehabilitation and full emergence from scarcity

3.    How energy deficit presents

What I am not going to cover in too much depth in this blog post is the role of body dysmorphia and anosognosia. Though it’s relevant to note that undernourishment leaves us unable to visually perceive ourselves as we truly are, that’s a slightly different topic to delve deeper into at another time.

A Litmus Test

Before I begin by defining energy deficit, I am going to use a similar litmus test that I did in my previous post on Troubleshooting Recovery. To create some emotional distance, imagine that you are a fly on the wall observing this hypothetical interaction play out, rather than the patient yourself.

From your perch, you observe somebody walk into an appointment with a practitioner who supporting their recovery.

After a few observations and physical readings, the practitioner announces that the patient is looking "healthy".

Done! Fixed! In energy balance! Free to live life.

From your position of watching in, how does you respond to that? What does the True You feel about somebody being told they are “done” with recovery based purely on outward appearance, without the consideration of that individual’s inner world?

When you reduce your permission to pursue full recovery merely based on how you:

1) Think that you look, or,

2) Actually look,

you are endorsing this same approach.

You are saying that physical state takes precedence over mental state markers.

Both personally and professionally, I have observed that something interesting often plays in these moments. When somebody is given the ‘all clear’ by a professional when they are still not truly well, there is, of course, an ED cacophony of shame and spite that arises. But simultaneously, something else emerges alongside that: a layer of sadness from not being encouraged to push forward towards towards genuine freedom.

As I also mentioned in my previous blog, being told that we are well and have permission to stop recovery – when we know deep inside that we are not and should not – flairs cognitive dissonance in a way that nothing else quite does.

We know, at least at some level, that we are still not eating enough to support our body. We know, at least to some degree, that we do not feel ‘in balance’ – energised, with stable mood and reliable cues. We know, likely quite clearly, that we are not free and thus, ought not stop.

And although there are layers upon layers of eating disorder clamour that try to viciously stamp out these healthy-self truths, the permission to cease recovery engagement doesn’t land with unmitigated sweet relief.

And so that’s where we are at:

You do not want this to be it.

What now?

So, this leaves you in a rather strange situation.

You desperately want to quit recovery.

But you also … desperately don’t want to quit recovery.

Afterall, you are here reading this blog. People who want to quit recovery with every ounce of their heart don’t read recovery blogs.

So, you’re here, negotiating. Justifying. Deliberating. Sometimes you fantasise about going backwards. Often you daydream about going forwards. One moment you squabble with yourself about validity. The next, you despair at your depth of fatigue and sense of imbalance.  

So, how to step out of this matrix?

My strongest piece of advice to anybody in this position is to recognise that you must move forward, WITH feelings of unnecessary, excessive, unreasonable, too much, unjustified right by your side.

These thoughts are like those flies in the height of summer that circle your head; like those people who have obnoxiously phone calls on the train; like this relentless pouring rain that has fallen every single day in 2026 so far:

Not going anywhere imminently.

I know this doesn’t always sound possible, but accepting that they are your company for now and that you must proceed with them present, is actually the path of least distress.

Hyperfocusing on their presence and trying to bargain with them tends to only result in more pain.

To reiterate:

• You must proceed on your recovery course WITH these thoughts there.

• Recovery does not require the absence of these thoughts — it requires your willingness to proceed despite their presence.

• As you have are accumulating evidence of each day, an eating disorder is never willingly going to release you from its clutches.

• It is never going to let you see through a different lens, grant validation, suggest positive change or say ‘that’s enough’.

• And the months or years that you spend bargaining with it – suffering – will end with the same result: stagnation, passivity, doubt.

The proceeding parts of this blog post will focus on assisting you to see that you do indeed present as somebody who is living within scarcity mode. But please do not lose sight of this most important truth. Even with validation of symptoms that showcase deficit, you are going to have to proceed with immense doubt anyway.

What Energy Deficit Actually Means (Physiology vs. Appearance)

An important place to begin when discussing energy debt is detaching physiology and appearance.

Energy deficit is a biological state. Not a visual category.

When we are in energy deficit, we are consuming less energy than their body needs to do everything that it needs to do – including repair work. So, whilst the amount we are eating might be topping us up for the day itself, it is insufficient to repay accumulated debt.

In life, energy is required to optimally:

·       Maintain organs

·       Support hormones

·       Fuel the brain (e.g., for its everyday output)

·       Repair tissue (e.g., pulled muscle, a graze)

·       Maintain/restore bone density

·       Support metabolism

·       Assist digestion

In recovery, energy is required to do all of this for every day purposes, AND to amend past depletion

-       Repair organs

-       Repair the endocrine system

-       Restore the brain

-       Repair tissue

-       Restore bone density

-       Repair metabolic function

-       Repair the digestive system

-       Replenish non-essentials (hair, skin, nails)

Energy deficit isn’t just something that happens day-by-day. It involves accumulation. Years of underfuelling creates a debt that will, at some point, require reimbursement.

Our bodies do not set at midnight. They remember. And even if you cannot see that reserves are depleted, systems are struggling and that your organs have suffered atrophy, less than full permission will have indisputably come with this invisible cost.

Weight Gain vs Nutritional Rehabilitation

This is where we must also bring in the sentiment that weight gain and full nutritional rehabilitation are not the same. 

Weight gain refers specifically to the physical increase in body mass that often occurs when someone begins eating more consistently after a period of restriction. It is one (of a few) visible markers that the body is receiving more energy. 

Full nutritional rehabilitation, however, is a broader medical and psychological process that goes beyond weight restoration. It includes replenishing nutrient deficiencies, normalizing metabolism and hormone function, restoring organ health, stabilizing hunger and fullness cues and improving cognitive functioning.

Whilst weight gain can happen on a limited amount of food, full nutritional rehabilitation requires long term consistent nourishment.  One is a step within recovery alike putting up the walls of the house, the other the comprehensive conclusion of the body’s healing work, that makes the 'house' a comfortable and well-functioning home.

It is absolutely essential to realise that one can be in an energy deficit at any body size. A body that is bigger is not necessarily a body that has been well replenished or deeply nourished. It may be that the body has done some weight gain, but not achieved nutritional rehabiliation. It could be a body that is under the weight it needs to be, yet never fell beneath the arbitrary BMI markers unfortunately often used in clinical settings to signal urgency. It could be a body that gained weight by hook or by crook while still maintaining a less-than-substantial intake, with both restriction and compulsive movement present. It could also be a body that has learned, after repeated experiences of weight loss, to anchor itself in survival mode: “enough is enough—I am not losing weight again even if you try.”

Counter to what social media implies, body size is not fully malleable or up for selection. Every individual body has a genetically influenced set point range where it functions best.

 This same biological blueprint also influences body fat distribution (internal and external), the extent of metabolic adaptation, the rate of muscle loss during restriction, and the degree of hormonal disruption. Because of this variation, we observe cases where an individual is physically compromised, and yet continues menstruate, whilst somebody who is higher in weight has a dysregulated cycle. Or, why we see cases where somebody’s body desperately holds onto fat stores, at the cost of extreme muscle decline. 

In short, body size alone tells us very little about internal energy status.

What does energy deficit actually look like?

So, if we can’t tell visually what energy deficit looks like because undernourished bodies will all present in varying ways, what are we looking for?

Below is a list of some indications that would represent the state of energy deficit. Many of these things are illustrations of the scarcity mode being present – a state during which our brains perceive that because internal energy is low, resource supplies are also compromised.

And before your ED chimes in, you don’t have to experience all of these to be in energy deficit!

Food based signs of scarcity and energy debt:

• Food feels deeply emotional

• Food preoccupies you, or looping food thoughts

• Putting food on a pedestal:

• Presentation is precise or ordered

• Ritualised order of preparation or eating

• Food hyperawareness is high

• Food hoarding feels safe and necessary (cupboards, freezer or fridge)

• Intense desire for a specific mealtime ambience (e.g., location, noise, lighting)

·       Distress if the food preparing isn’t the right temperature

• irritability at interruptions to eating occasions

• pace of eating that is driven my something other than preference

• Reluctance to see food be wasted

• Desires to be in food-centric locations: the kitchen, supermarkets, coffee shops.

• Inconsistent hunger and fullness cues (e.g. absent, sudden, sporadic)

• Anxiety when food stores are running low

• Anxiety when other people eat your food

Non food based signs of scarcity and energy debt:

• Body image focus is high

• Distorted body perception

• ED-OCD tendencies are present

• Exhaustion feels deep

• Body temperature regulation is off kilter (e.g. cold/warm)

• You experience a flat mood

• Mood instability

• Concentration is impaired

• Patience is low

• Always feeling short on time

• Movement compulsions (migration mode)

• Difficulty spending money

• Sometimes: hormonal issues, libido issues, disrupted sleep

These are real biological signals — not aesthetic ones.

They are, without doubt, as meaningful to view with urgency to resolve as any visual marker.

Taking Ownership

At this point in recovery, it is very important to get honest about the conditions that your recovery is happening within. I don’t say this to be harsh, but to be real. Nobody is coming to save you. Nobody is coming to swoop in and insist you to turn over every disordered stone. Nobody knows the gap between the life you are living, and what you might yearn for.

Unless you are in the (I imagine exceptionally rare) situation of living with somebody who has fully recovered from their own restrictive eating disorder, even the best recovery supporter in the world will not quite grasp the extent of what needs to be done here.

And so, the responsibility does rest with you.

I know this might cause you to gulp initially. But I also want you to entertain the idea that being in this power seat could be a positive thing. You need not continue playing a waiting game. You do already have the answers humming away like a live wire. Life is yours to take, whenever you wish.

I know the prospect of grabbing ownership sounds hard. But I invite you to reflect on how not owning your process has resulted in you feeling. My bet is disempowered, vulnerable and tremendously scared.

My own experience of seeing the recovery process as something that I got to do, rather than something that was being done to me, was that like day versus night. The storm of the ED didn’t diminish, but I could see that it would pass. Or in other words, eating disorder noise remained — but my relationship to it shifted.

"But if I feel this bad in my body now, how will I cope in the future?"

If you are some distance down the recovery path right by now, and experiencing eddying urges to slow down or halt action, it is of integral importance that you trust this next fact. Feeling bad in your body now does not doom you to long term body image distress.

Paradoxically, stopping (or standing perpetually peering over the edge of the cliff) does.

Remember that with recovery actioning, you will be viewing this future self through a very different lens. With the behaviours that show an acceptance of reaching full nutritional rehabilitation, that lens you view yourself through will shift. Our self-perception can only change when our treatment towards ourselves radically and honestly do too.

Meanwhile, if your current behaviours continue to suggest that weight gain avoidance is essential in order to maintain safety, it is impossible for your brain to interpret that weight gain, or a bigger body, could be safe.

No Option Not To

On some level, you do know that going backwards into the open arms of the eating disorder is not the answer.

And similarly, you know that here is not sustainable either. Not only does it result in a tiresome existence rather than engaged living, but akin to needing to take the whole course of antibiotics or go through the whole extent of a chemotherapy to clear the full illness, an eating disorder recovery requires the full journey to avoid a future flair.

Thus, there is only one option: onwards. Proceeding WITH feelings of unnecessary, excessive, unreasonable, too much, unjustified right by your side.

To Summarise

Energy deficit is not a look. It is a stress state.

If your mind is trying to convince you that you don’t deserve more food or rest because you “don’t look like you do,” that is a voice is an illness.

Whether or not you believe your deficit or not, you must see that straddling here and toying with this question of validity, is itself coming from an unwell mind. Nobody who is well believes they ought to look more sick in order to deserve a freer life.

Remember above all that it is in the “doing” that we rewire beliefs. The belief we specifically want to attack is the nonsensical idea that life would be more uncomfortable if you spent it self-attending, rather than self-abandoning. I truly believe that in this one sacred life, there is no waste greater than leaving that ED projection unchecked.

If you are restricting, compensating, obsessing, or under-eating relative to your needs at all — your body knows. And from where I’m standing, I’m thankful that it will not let you forget it.