Input vs Output goals

This story is shared with permission from 'Julia'.

I've changed her name for anonymity.

I had email last week from a Swedish client who was one of the first people I ever worked with. Let's call her Julia. In the months that followed us stopping sessions (due to her feeling that the consolidation of her recovery was all that was left to do), I had the privilege of hearing about how her life blossomed through regular email updates. This has continued. Julia now has plenty of energy to do whatever she wishes. She has a kind and peaceful internal monologue who supports these choices. Food ceases to be an issue, nor do any other associated destructive habits. She is entirely Anorexia free. What I find particularly cool is, where her old emails used to contain frustration about food, body image and movement, the more recent ones are filled with details of the full life she is now living. Julia, I know you'll read this so here's me saying it once again: please allow yourself to be so proud. You are amazing.

To Julia's most recent email, I couldn't help but respond with a reminder about how far she had come in the last 12 months. I know from my own experience that sometimes slipping into a full life is so incredible, that you can lose sight of how remarkable it is that this way of living - this utter mental freedom - was not always normalcy. Of course, it should have always have been so simple. But the ED made certain it wasn't.

The reminder, or rather the question, that I posed to her was if she remembered typing a particularly frustrated midnight email to me that contained the following words...

"In every single other area of my life, I get done what needs to be done. WHY is it so different with recovery???"

Her response to being reminded of this made me smile. It was utter disbelief. She now does't identify with the girl who wrote that to me those many, many months ago, at all. And honestly, nothing brings more of a smile to my face than hearing this: total distance from the ED that was once had such a firm grip.

As you can probably deduce, in the excerpt above, Julia was expressing that elsewhere in her life, she followed through with goals. When she set herself a goal, she found a way to complete it. No, not always perfectly. No, not always swiftly or even always exactly as planned, but eventually, there came a satisfying conclusion to her quests. When it came to recovery, though, it was a totally different story.

I wanted to share this, because Julia's experience with this was exactly the same as my own. For all of my life and in all areas of my life, I followed though with doing the stuff I cared about, even if it was a steep challenge. I pushed myself to find a way, even if the efforts required seemed quite ominous. When it came to recovery, though, this was entirely absent. I knew what to do, I set goals associated with exactly that, but the vast majority of the time, I didn't follow through. Frustrated didn't cover how I felt.

With Julia's permission, I thought I'd share some of what we discovered when we delved into why her goals didn't seem to stand up or come into fruition. Of course, the commitment to recovery was very, very relevant, but, there was something more interesting that we discovered about the type of goals she was setting. Of course, setting yourself goals in recovery is of paramount importance for progress. However, how do we actually translate a list of goals into action and reality? The best way I can think to describe this is actually to go into what not to do...

Stop (only) setting output based goals

With any goal you ever set yourself, ever (!), there are 2 parts which are directly correlated. The inputs and the outputs. That's obvious, I know.

However, what you will find, is that most people set output or results based goals. That's the type of goal that goes something along the lines of: I want to be an astronaut when I'm older.

The thing about outputs and results, though, is that we have very little direct control of them. And usually, when the results don't arrive within the time frame that we are hoping to achieve them, we get discouraged and give up.

Thus, instead, a really vital shift you can make is focusing on the inputs. These are the things you can directly control. These are the things within your sphere of influence. These are your daily, feasible actions. Basically, the input goals are your specific tasks and activities that need to be done to reach your objective. It all sounds a little too obvious, but spending time on fine-tuning your goals to become input orientated is something I promise is time well spent.

First, lets start with some generic examples...

Let's begin with the astronaut.

In line with this theory of how to set goals that will get you to your goal...

Do not set: I want to be an astronaut as your goal and leave it there.

Instead, focus on the inputs. Like: I will attend 3 seminars on 'how to become a astronaut by the end of 2022'.

Next example.

Let's say you have a blog. Let's say your dream is for this blog to have 10000 readers.

Do not set yourself a goal of having 10000 readers and finish there.

That is beyond your direct control.

Instead, focus on the inputs, like posting three blog posts per week, or dedicating an hour to research ways to get your blog appear on the first page of Google.

Or, let's say you want to a good grades in your next quiz. Don't set goal to score highly in your next quiz. That's results based and doesn't command direct action. If you set an input based goal, like studying the topic for 30 minutes per day without your phone, you're more likely to follow through with it, since you have identified something constructive you can feasibly do.

One last example, let's say you own a shoe company. You want world domination is the shoe selling sphere. An input could you redesign the company’s advert to make it the most popcorn spilling shoe commercial ever to grace TV screens. Why do these particular examples pop into my head? Do not ask me! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As for some slightly more recovery relevant examples, let's say your end goal is to be recovered and unrestricted eat. It's a little too broad, but it still works.

Here, once again, your aim should be set yourself some relevant inputs to that. It should really home in on the specifics. For example,

• Do you have pre-established baselines minimums to hit at all your meals? If no, set yourself a goal of first creating them, and then following them meal by meal.

• Are you going to remove the kitchen scale or measuring cups from view? If that's relevant, have the conversation with a recovery support member to hide the scales so they're only accessible for baking. If a conversation seems too daunting, set a goal of handing over a note.

• Are you ticking off a list of 10+ fear food challenges each week that is stuck up on your fridge? If no, write it! Follow it! Tick it!

• Do you have a recovery check-in person who is going to hold you accountable when times get tough and excuses pipe up? If not, do your best to find one.

There are literally endless things you could list here, so it may be worth refining that 'I just want to recover' initial statement, as demonstrated below.

Yet, the principle remains the same. Basically it's a case of asking assessing: What could you be doing now that is going to bring the results then?

So, more specifically now, if your goal is to finish un-ED-influenced cheese burger and chips out with a friend, avoid making that eventual invite the thing you wait for and that eventual burger your focus on achieving. Home in on the inputs that you can feasibly control...

• Are you adding plenty cheese to as many of your meals as you can, at home?

• Are you serving yourself a proper quantity of chips each time you have them at home (the same quantity that will come alongside your burger), even if it's just a rainy evening after a stressful day?

• Are you buying the delicious brioche buns in the supermarket that you expect to be served in the restaurant?

• Are you using the regular (non-diet) condiments with all of your meals?

• Are you using your ED check-in person to ensure that you are kept accountable in the hours around other challenges you set yourself?

• Are you putting enough dressing on your salad so that when it comes pre-dressed, your ED doesn't squirm?

Again, the list could go on and on. The 'input' goals will come as a result of delving into the answers to these questions.

I cannot stress this enough: THESE STEPS MATTER. They matter more than you will ever be able to see right now. These steps will take you to a full and robust recovery.

To emphasise how this can be applied to all areas of your life, I'll give a final example about a desire for improved self-esteem. If you wish to feel that you are valuable at your unsuppressed and that you do indeed have inherent worth (you do!), what are you actually doing for yourself that is showing yourself that? What actions is brain watching and learning from? Your input could be something as simple as allowing yourself to buy coffee when you're out, (even though it would be cheaper to make at home). It's these micro level things that you can feasibly control.

However, output based goals do have some value...

Although I believe that input goals are the way to go forward, you may be wondering: But how can a person become motivated by inputs?

That's where those broader outputs do come in. You can be motivated from knowing the results that will come as a byproduct of the inputs. The outputs are very relevant. But, when they feel so far away and out of reach, fixating on them so intently can leave you in limbo not knowing where to start. If you focus on doing the things which are like strides towards the end destination, you will feel more and more licenced to go on.

Lastly, in my eyes, whilst output goals are often rooted in a sense of lack, input goals are more routed in a sense of empower and appreciate. Trust me. Take those steps. Do the things. Force the follow through. You will make it so long as you begin getting a good grip of a rung.

Just because you can't be 100% there now, it does not mean you should remain 0% of the way there.

Finally, thank you Julia!

Since first meeting her and establishing weekly recovery goals together, Julia now has very different goals. They are orientated around travel, work and her ever growing list of experiences to tick off. All of these are in alignment with her highest good. However, Julia recently reminded me of something incredibly important: Even though she has so many exciting things going on, taking time to rest and restore is also something she is scheduling in. I really needed to hear that myself. It's so easy to get caught up in life.

To finish, I thought I'd share her closing part of her most recent email:

"As I've been sitting here typing this, there's been an open bag of m&m's beside me. I've been eating them, unthinkingly, without any ED BS. No urge to measure, no confusion of which 'part' of my snack they are part of, and no incessent suggestion from my brain to eat the whole bag. I know that this has all come because of my past actions. I don't need to measure, because there is no too much. I don't need them to 'count' as part of a certain snack, because I am eating for The Now, and my body doesn't yearn for the whole bag because I have shown it countless times that M&M's are not a restricted resource and it does not perceive another (m&m) famine around the corner. My body feels so, wholly, entirely safe."

How absolutley delightful.