How to Start Challenging 'Fear Foods'.

By now, you've probably realised that the path to food freedom isn't clearly sign posted. Although I can't promise to draw that map which will make it an anxiety-free affair, I can share the things that helped me along my journey.

No need for a long intro today. Here are the 5 steps.

1. STRATEGIES TO INCREASE YOUR LIKELIHOOD OF SUCCESS

If you were trying to get from Location A to Location B, and the only way to get there was along a very muddy path, whatever happens, it's going to be a tough slog. But that's not to say that you can't make it easier for yourself. For example, you can pick sensible footwear. You can keep your hands out of your pockets incase you slip. Or, you could plug in your favourite playlist to make it somewhat more enjoyable.

In the same way, although food exposure is never going to be a comfy affair, do ensure that you have a think about all the ways you can decrease your vulnerabilities to give you the best possible chance at having a positive experience with the meal or snack you are introducing.

If you are just starting out, some useful questions might be...

Who do you feel most comfortable eating with?

Feeling as though you are safe can be really helpful when anxiety is otherwise high. If there is a particular friend or family member who knows what encouragement is helpful for you, use this to your advantage.

What time of day do you have most mental strength?

If you tend to get increasingly tired as the day goes on, it may be worth getting your planned challenge ib early. Leaving a challenge to the end of the day may mean that your resolution to follow through is weaker, may waver and more likely to be thwarted by the ED.

Where will you eat? What environment feels safest?

Maybe eating the pizza on your couch while watching an episode of Friends is what feels safest right now because the distraction will be helpful. Maybe eating it at a friend’s house feels safest because you can chill together afterwards and that will take your mind off unhelpful thoughts. Find and choose anywhere that sets you up for the most success.

Once you have done it once, do it again.

Once you have done it again, do it again.

Once it feels ok with the conditions 'right', it's time to step it up a gear.

If the cake and coffee feels safe with Dan, in the morning, at home, you have to switch it up.

Challenge it with Sarah, in the afternoon, at a café. And so on.

Switch it up until you feel as though you have complete and total permission. Your ultimate goal is for eating to be conditionless, but it's ok if you need a few steps to get there.

2. COMBATING UNHELPFUL THOUGHTS

You know your eating disorder better than any one. This is something to use to your great advantage in recovery. If your eating disorder has got it's claws dug in deep with a particular recurring thought, make sure that you arm yourself with what you need to be able to follow through regardless of sed potential thoughts. Let's assume you're challenging adding a banana and peanut butter to your breakfast oats. I use this example because exactly 3 years ago today, that's what I did for the first time I a while!

Let's say an unhelpful thought that continuously emerges when you contemplate challenging this breakfast is :"it's too many carbohydrates."

Anticipate this. Write it down. Tell your supporter of this thought that keeps cycling. Tell them to call you out on it. Make an accountability pledge. Whatever happens, come rain, come shine, come lack of physical hunger, you are going to follow through.

It will also be helpful if you can reframe the unhelpful as and when they pop into your head. Here are a few examples:

Unhelpful thought –> “That is too many carbohydrates."

Reframe –>“Carbohydrates are my body’s preferable source of energy. The carbohydrates in this provide energy for me to start my day so I feel energized and present in my life.”

Unhelpful thought –> "I will gain weight if I eat that.”

Reframe –> “If nourishing myself to satiation makes me gain weight, then my body wasn't happy where it was. Weight gain is non-negotiable and is inherently healthy.

Unhelpful thought –> “It's more calories than 'usual'.”

Reframe –> “Where has my 'usual' got me so far? What is 'too many' calories? Where did I learn that? My mind is not the expert on how many calories my body needs. I am learning to trust my body instead because it is the expert.”

Take some time to sit down and reframe those unhelpful, recurring thoughts. Choose reframes that are most accurate, realistic and resonate with your healthiest self.

If you find that reframing thoughts isn’t helpful, another thing you can do is to defuse unhelpful thoughts, by acknowledging but not engaging with them. The phrase "thoughts are just thoughts, they are not the absolute truth," reminded me that my brain was just offering up suggestions based on the disordered stuff I had taught it in the past. The way to stop those thoughts returning was not to act on them.

3. ANTICIPATING EMOTIONS

In the same way that you are aware of recurring thought patterns, you will also know which feelings and emotions you can expect to come up for you before, during and/or after eating. If you have any activities that you can do which you know lower your anxiety, reduce feelings of panic or help you sit with emotions (rather than force them to pass with a harmful disordered behaviour), get them in place.

The more self-awareness you have of what might happen, the more prepared you can be to deal with it.

Returning to the trekking through the mud example from Location A to Location B that I spoke about initially, you may be able to anticipate that your mood may get particularly low at a certain point, for example, 0.75km in. Using your knowledge, experience and initiative, you may plan to ring your best friend at 0.60 km in attempt to lessen this.

In the same way, if you often start to feel a little low and nervous in the hour before lunch, you may find that planning an activity that engages you intensely for that hour helps to alleviate your negative feelings. Although it is tempting, and your mind may still wonder to negativity, do not simply sit and wait and wallow in your negativity.

4. COPING TOOLS TO MANAGE YOUR FEELINGS

Now that you’ve identified what feelings might come up for you, it is good to have a think about some tools allowing you to experience your feelings in a safe way, without forcing them to pass. Calling a friend as I mentioned above is by no means the only solution!

• repeating the healthy reframes in step 2

• remembering and thinking about your values

• sitting on a garden bench, balcony, house steps to get some fresh air.

• texting a safe person to let them know how you’re feeling, or about an entirely different topic

• deep breathing for 1-5 minutes to shift your nervous system

• journaling your thoughts/feelings

• listening to your favourite music or podcast

• watching a TV show whilst cross-wording

5. REFLECTING ON LESSONS LEARNED FOR THE NEXT TIME AROUND

When trying to heal your relationship with food, it’s going to be messy. There will be many bumps in the road and it certainly will not feel as structured or routined as your previous disordered patterns. Although this 'learn from your mistakes' idea used to really wind me up because it felt like the whole world was crashing down when I was in the moment itself, I can't stress enough the importance of falling forward when you stumble.

Those bumps and messy moments that feel like failures are really how you learn and grow and stop making that same mistake over and over again. When something doesn’t go as you hoped it would, you can reflect back and think about what you learned. What was challenging? What do you need to work on? What might you do differently next time? Did the hours or minutes increase your chance of success? How could you strategize and plan for things to go differently next time?

That's the lot

You need to see how incontrol you are of your own recovery and actions. You need to see how being proactive and forcing those necessary changes is the only option.

Remember, full recovery = nutritional rehabilitation + neural rewiring. If you eat enough 'safe foods', you may indeed gain weight, but this is not the same as full recovery. You MUST rewire you neural pathways. A huge part of this is reintroducing all foods so you have none deemed as 'off limits'. If this feels overwhelming, it needn't be. Take it moment by moment and use your characteristic determination to get it done, regardless of how it feels in the moment.

One day, you will view the food choices the true, healthy you makes as delicious, satisfying and truly healthy (physically, mentally and emotionally) without second thought. But, this won't happen if you don't take the first steps.

Wherever you are in your journey, know that with time, patience, compassion and hard work…food can and will be just food. Something to nourish your body, enjoy with others, and find pleasure, joy and satisfaction in.